


Breaking All of the Rules Brenton Style

by teroinreadsteroinwrites



Series: Brent [4]
Category: Transformers (Bay Movies), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-02
Updated: 2013-09-02
Packaged: 2018-07-15 22:00:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7240126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teroinreadsteroinwrites/pseuds/teroinreadsteroinwrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So what if all of the autobots came to earth and the deceptions were no more? What would life on base be like? What limitations would there be? Brenton Jade DeMarco has the answers to that last one and a little insight to life on base.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

1.)  Do not run around the base singing 'Bust the Windows Out Your Car'.  
-Mechs will magically disappear.  
-Especially Dino  
-Tooks us weeks of randomly yelling around the base to convince him that no one was actually going to bust his windows.  
  
2.)  Do not run around the base singing 'Before He Cheats'  
-Again every mech on base will magically disappear.  
-Especially Dino  
-Took two whole months to get that bitch back out  
  
3.)  No swearing in front of sparklings  
-Human or Autobot  
-That means you Brenton (Sam)  
-Sam? (Brent)  
-Yes?  
-GET OFF OF MY LAPTOP!  
  
4.)   Autobots, try not to glitch when there are humans close by.  
-If I almost get crushed again, it's over  
-I'll find a way to turn your aft into a tin can  
  
5.)  No hitting on any taken women on base  
-How was I supposed to know that she had a mech?! (Leo)  
-Leo? (Brenton)  
-There are just so many pretty betties  
-LEO WHAT EVER THE EFF YOUR TWENTY MIDDLE NAMES ARE SPITZ, GET OFF MY LAPTOP!  
  
6.)  ALRIGHT, NEW EFFING RULE!  QUIT TOUCHING MY SLAGGING LAPTOP, BEFORE I FRAG YOUR LIFE UP!!!!!  
-I will do it.  
-It'll hurt.  
-I promise you.  
-Megatron will seem like a friggin puppy compared to me.  
  
7.)  Having the autobots help with you school work is acceptable, however having the autobots do it for you isn't (this includes tricking the answers out of them).  
-If you are honestly stupid enough to think that they'll willing help you cheat then you're a dumbass  
-Which is probably why tried to cheat in the first place  
  
8.)  It doesn't fucking matter whether the chicken or the egg came first.  
-Prowl quit glitching  
-Boths sets of twins quit fighting  
-Ratchet Throwing things into the arguments doesn't help  
-Optimus there is no stopping them  
-Lennox, Epps, quit laughin this isn't fucking funny.  
  
9.)  All human charges, threatening to have your guardian crush, shoot, run over, and or experiment on an a stupid fragger isn't allowed.  
-Prowl made me write this  
-He's tired of having to yell at me  
-It hasn't deterred me  
-Bee, let's go kick Bobby Johnson's ass.  
  
10.)  Accusing the autobots of brainwashing and experimenting on humans is not allowed under any circumstances.  
-I am not brainwashed, I'm in love  
-No they dd not tell me to say that  
-Bee rocks my socks  
-He also rocks my-  
-SHUT UP!  SHUT UP!  SHUT UP!  OH MY GOD!  I NEVER EVER WANT TO TO FINISH THAT SENTENCE! (Sam)  
- _"Oh baby_  
I'll be stuck to you like glue baby  
Want to spend it all on you baby  
My room is the G-spot  
Call me Mr.Fllintstone  
I can make you bed rock (Bumblebee)  
-OH MY GOD!  
-Bumblebee stop torchuring the boy (Optimus)  
-Alright that's enough for the rules for today (Prowl)  
-But Prowl...  
-Don't make me come over there (Ratchet)  
\- [Sees wrench on hand] Finw oh supreme overlord of aft welding and wrench throwing


	2. Chapter 2

11.)  Trying to be smart my continuously referring to Ravage as a pussy is a major no.  
-It's not funny any more  
-She'll rip your aft to pieces  
-I'm not going to help you.  
-You deserve it  
-Jazz  
  
12.)  Do not under any circumstances start a fight between any set of twins  
-Ratchet will throw a wrench at your ass  
-I'll end up kicking Trent's ass  
\- You're noy gonna kick my ass (Trent)  
-You wanna bet? (Brenton)  
-Bitch please (Trent)  
-[argument ensues]  
-Glad we don't fight like that (Sides)  
-Agreed (Sunstreaker)  
-FUCK YOU TWO! (Brent adn Trent)  
-Don't start with us Squishies (Sunstreaker)  
-Cause we'll finish it (Sides)  
-Listen here you prima donnas (Brent)  
-Why don't you take your diva asses somewhere else (Trent)  
-And go shine your fucking armor or something (Brent)  
-[Chaotic screaming)  
-Ratchet throws wrenches at Side and Sunny, holoform throws them at Trent and Brent  
-OH SHIT! (Brent)  
-WRENCH! (Trent)  
-[whine] Ratchet (Sunny and Sides)  
-All of you shut your fragging mouths  
  
13.)  PLaying COD or any other fucking game like that on base isn't allowed.  
-Jazz is appalled by you tactics  
-No one else on base gives a fuck how many kills you got  
-Prowl will glitch  
-Sides adn Sunny will start playing and get super competetive ending up in a brawl  
  
14.)  Trying to steal Brent's (my) chocolate is a big ass mother fucking no!  
-I will hunt you down  
-And kick your ass  
-Scratch that  
-I will kill your ass  
-Kill you so hard you fucking die to death  
  
15.)  Quoting insanity wolf is banned  
-"Dashing through the snow get the fuck out of my way"  
-It was fun wile it lasted.  
-Ratchet will give you a mental health test  
-I passed  
-Suck on my hypothetical dick  
-"Why can't we just all get along?... Dick."  
  
16.)  You can't imagine the ementity of the fuck I'm not giving isn't an acceptable response for everything  
-They told me to right this  
-You can;t imagine the emenity of the fuck I'm not giving about this rule  
-I love Ke$ha  
-Or how about this "And on this day, not a single fuck was given  
  
17.)  My Little Pony is banned from base  
-This means watching it, talking about it, quoting it, even thinking it.  
-Ironhide, I'm writing this because of you  
-No one gives a fuck about Rainbow whatever the fuck it's name is  
-Annabelle should lay off the TV anyways  
  
18.)  No more booze or high-grade (except for Brent)  
-Why does she get high grade? (Sunny and Sides)  
-Because you fragtards if you would listen when Ratchet talks, you would know my Cybertronian half can only run on high grade.  
-I don't get hammered on anything really  
-Kind of sucks  
-Anyways do I really need to explain this one?  
-We really don't need a bunch of liquored up mech and humans  
  
19.)  Rapping or just plain playing " _Look at Me Now_ " isn't allowed.  
-I think the only bots who didn't glitch were Jazz, Bee, Sides, Sunny, Jazzy and Ravage  
-Thank Primus that Ravage can fix a glitching processor  
-Jazz since when do have kickers?  
-Where the fuck do you fit them?  
-Epps had some seriously sick flow  
-Didn't know he could talk that fast  
  
20.)  All mechs should avoid femmes when a chick flick is being watched  
-Emotional femmes think about it  
-Movies include Steel Magnolias, Titanic  
-Rose's stupid ass, could've balanced on the fucking thing so there was room for Jack  
-Bitch  
-I would've made some room for him  
I'm gonna stop because this dumb bitch can get me fucking raging


	3. Chapter 3

21.) Cussbot is banned.  
-Do they really think I need an app for that?  
-Fucking twat slave  
-I prefer the traditional ones though  
-Mother fucker  
-Cock sucker  
-Prick  
  
22.) Natalie's Rap is banned from base  
-Damn Brent you a crazy chick  
-Shut the fuck up and suck my dick  
-Fuck you man it's my name Bee's screaming  
-I never said I was a role model  
  
23.) They told me to put down that quoting _Mean Girls_ is banned, so I said "Boo you whore."  
-This isn't happening.  
-Taylor Zimmermann, two for you. Glenn Coco? FOUR for you, Glenn Coco! You go, Glenn Coco. And uh... "Caddy" Heron. Do we have a "Caddy" Heron here?  
-Alyssa, I'm sorry I called you a gap-toothed bitch. It's not your fault you're so gap-toothed.  
-On Wednesdays we were fatigues  
-Hell, no. I did not leave the South Side for this!  
  
24.)No watching war movies or documentaries in front of the bots.  
-Prowl will glitch  
-I'll have to hear another lecture on how sad it is that humans are able to do this to ourselves.  
-At least we kept our wars on our own planet.  
-That's right, you ain't got shit to say to that.  
  
25.) If Brent (me) growls, run like a mother fucker.  
-If you make me growl then you really fucked up.  
-Your best bet is to hide behind Optimus or Bee.  
-I don't give shit how much bigger than me you are, I'll end you.  
-Throw a wrench Ratchet. I dare you. I fucking dare you.  
-That's right back off.  
  
26.) Making fun of Lennox and Epps for saying "bring the rain" all the tim  
-I never said it sucked.  
-It's just all they ever say.  
-Now I'm getting glared at.  
  
27.) Don't mention the tooth fairy around Ironhide.  
-He gets pissed.  
-He'll shoot at you.  
-Blame Ratchet.  
-He told every one.  
-IO'm getting glared at again.  
-Damn.  
  
28.) Keep Ratchet away from power lines.  
-Apparently they're tingly.  
-Blame Hide.  
-Their both glaring at me.  
-I think I'm more afraid of the wrench right now rather than the cannon aimed at me.  
-Oh shit.  
-I'm running.  
  
29.) Don't ask Wheeljack to fix jack shit.  
-It will never be the same.  
-It might possibly get blown up.  
-Or catch on fire.  
-Or it will be returned so completely advanced you won't ever figure out how to fucking use it.  
  
30.) Do not leave the dumb ass twins unattended.  
-I refuse to babysit.  
-It's not my fault they broke the wall.  
-Or fucked up Hide's cannon  
-Or stole Sunny's paint  
-Or Ratchet's wrenches  
-I told you I wasn't watching them


	4. Chapter 4

31.) Making comments about Jazz and Ravage being in love are major fucking no’s.  
-Ravage will tear you to pieces.  
-Jazz will sabotage any nonmilitary thing you have planned.  
-On Earth when to people irritate the shit out of each other, it’s usually cause they like them.  
-Sometimes people hate each other so much they love each other.  
-And other times they hate each other so much that they fuck.  
-Yeah… The red optic is scary, so I’m just gonna walk away.  
  
32.) Keep your shit in your quarters.  
-Sarah and I are tired of cleaning up after your lazy asses.  
-Bots you too.  
-Clutter pisses me off.  
-Sarah will light your ass up if Annabelle isn’t around.  
  
33.) If you spill something clean it up.  
-Applies to everyone.  
-If I slip one more fucking time, I am going to flip shit.  
-Or I’ll pay back the favor.  
-Sounds like the beginning of a good prank. (Sideswipe)  
-The fleshy might be on to something. (Sunstreaker)  
-Don’t even think about it. (Prowl)  
-I’ll weld you aft to the fragging ceiling. (Ratchet with wrench)  
-ALL OF YOU GET THE FUCK OFF OF MY LAPTOP!!!!  
  
34.) No fucking with Hide’s cannons.  
-He will kill you.  
-We still haven’t got the bubble solution off of everything.  
-It was funny though.  
-Especially when all the mechs started falling.  
-And when ratchet wrenched the twins.  
  
35.) Using holographs and holoforms to scare people into thinking they’ve been possessed is another thing not allowed.  
-Trent screamed like a bitch.  
-And pissed his pants.  
-I mean that literally.  
-BOO!  
-You know I don’t fuck around when it comes to ghosts. (Trent)  
-Pussy.  
-Fine. Be ready for spiders bitch. (Trent)  
  
36.) Every spider you see on base kill the shit out of it.  
-Ironhide you can blast them all to pit.  
-Ratchet you can just throw all the wrenches.  
-Trent you do it and I kill you.  
  
37.) Do not self-diagnose yourself.  
-Ratchet will tell you you’re wrong.  
-Then you’ll be forced into a checkup  
-Let’s not forget about the lecture you’ll get.  
\- If you’re really unlucky, you’ll get a mental health check.  
-Since you’re having delusions of being a medical professional.  
-I’m pretty sure I know when I have a headache.  
  
38.) Don’t give Ratchet any reason to give a mental health test.  
-He won’t give up until he finds something wrong.  
-Even if you pass.  
-So far I have anger issues, and am bipolar.  
-No. I just have a low tolerance for dumbasses and bull shit.  
-Sunny is a sociopath.  
-No arguments  
-I’ll kill you femme. (Sunny)  
-A- GET THE FUCK OFF OF MY LAPTOP  
-B- That didn’t help your case at fucking all.  
-You didn’t helo your’s either (Sunny)  
-Fuck off  
  
39.) DO NOT INTERUPT STORY TIME!  
-When Optimus is talking about Cybertron you are quiet.  
-It’s better than a damn book.  
-I’m working on getting a special carpet for story time.  
-Elementary school bitches.  
  
40.) Running around singing S&M to Dino and Jolt is a no go.  
-It sounded like a funny idea.  
-A lot of shit went wrong.  
-First off, Bee got jealous, because I was singing to Dino.  
-Secondly Trent got jealous of mickey singing to Jolt.  
-Then there was the whole deal of Dino glitching and destroying bay 33  
-Jolt glitched, while working on Sides, effectively pissing off Sides, Sunny, and Ratchet.  
-Of course there was the whole matter of Dino going into hiding.-Damn that fucking electrodisrupter.  
-We then got harassed by soldiers for a week.  
-Oh and Prowl glitched.  
-We should do it again. (Mikaela)  
-Hell fucking yes!


	5. Chapter 5

41.) No opera  
-Who the fuck listens to that shit anyways?  
-The fucking dogs frequencies some of those botches make can cause a bot to glitch.  
-It even fucks me up.  
-It's not funny.  
-It fried some of the wiring in my arm.  
-I kept punching myself in the face.  
-Ratchet thought I was doing it on purpose.   
-He put me in a straight jacket.  
\- I cut out of it  
  
42.) Don't watch prowrestling around around the bots.  
-Who the hell thought that there should be an autobot battle royal?  
-Nearly half of base was destroyed.  
-I was nearly crushed.  
-And what made you all think that it wouldn't come down to the twins?  
-Dumb asses.  
-That's why I won all the cash.  
  
43.) Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn (the film versions) are banned form base.  
-Only Sunny and Sides could start the team Edward vs. Team Jacob shit on base.    
-Only they would become so obsessed with it.  
-Prowl doesn't understand what's so impressive about either of them.  
-So he ended up glitching.  
-IF YOU WERE TO PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION YOU CAN BE SWITZERLAND AND QUIT ARGUING!  
  
44.) DON'T TOUCH BRENT'S (MY) BOOK COLLECTION!  
-Fuck with my books, I kick your ass.  
-Don't even think about them.  
-Buy your own.   
-Bots read them on the web.  
  
45.) If by some chance I let you borrow one of my books remember all of the following.  
-Don't dog ear pages.  
-Don't slop any food or beverage on them.  
-Don't put a single crease in any page.  
-Make sure the cover is perfect.  
-Don't fuck up the paper covers.  
-When I say return it, return it.  
-No marks of any sort on any part of it.  
-Failure to follow the rules above can lead to a charge (Pay back so that I can get a new one) or an ass beating.  
  
46.) Don't say anything about any bot's femme.  
-They get extremely defensive.  
-You will be threatened.  
-They're extremely jealous.  
-Can't help you if they decide to use their holoform to kick your ass.  
\- We won't help you either.  
-We find their over protectiveness endearing.  
-If it's that bad you won't have to worry about them kicking your ass because we will.  
  
47.) To who ever keeps fucking with Sunny's paint job don't.  
-I applaud you.  
-He keeps bitching.  
-All we want is for him to shut the fuck up.  
-You deserve an award though.  
-The dick you keyed onto his hood was hilarious.  
  
48.) FEMMES OF ALL SPECIES!  If a mech or guy is taken leave him the hell alone.  
-No cat fights please.  
-We do not need bitch wars breaking out on base.  
-It'll be like fucking high school all over again.  
  
49.) The Lonely Island is banned from base.  
-Um....  
-I'm pretty sure that Watch Me Do Me was the one that ended things.  
-I kind of don't blame anyone.  
-On the other hand some of that shit was funny.  
-I JUST HAD SEX AND IT FELT SO GOOD!!!!!  UH OH BONER ALERT!!!!  I JIZZ RIGHT IN MY PANTS EVERY TIME YOU'RE NEXT TO ME AND WHEN WE'RE HOLDING HANDS IT'S JUST LIKE HAVING SEX WITH ME!!!!! SO GET YOUR KNEES FLEXIN AND YOU ARMS T-REXING AND CREEP!!!!!  
  
50.) NO LADY GAGA ON BASE!  
-Ratchet will go ape shit.  
-He's convinced that she's the leader of a cult.  
-You will under go a mental evaluation then multiple therapy sessions.  
-His obsession with her being the most fucked up being alive is rather funny.


	6. Chapter 6

51.) Do not ask where babies come from.  
-I never want to hear Racthet tried to explain that again.  
-Who told Sides to ask?  
-He regretted it.  
-Leo said from a vagina.  
-Which is funny because when he was born was the only time he's ever seen one.  
  
52.) So personally I like techno music, but it seems that I am supposed to say it is banned from base.  
-Fuck that.  
-deadmau5 for the win  
-It made Prowl glitch.  
-Which isn't surprising.  
-The soldiers keep telling me to turn that shit off.  
-Fuck you.  
  
53.) Dance offs are prohibited.  
-Who the fuck started it is what I want to know.  
-It was funny though.  
-Lennox did the worm.  
-Yes, you read that right.  
-He's gonna shoot my aft one of these days.  
-Long story short bots dancing = earthquake like vibrations.  
-And hilarity  
-Just saying  
  
54.) All energon based organisms, remember that you will set off the detectors.  
-I was a whole fucking five miles away from the White house.  
-Even if I was closer, I sure as hell wasn't gonna do shit.  
-I like Obama.  
-Funny when and Jazz showed up,all geared and hyped up.  
  
55.) No unjustly throwing people in the brig.  
-If one more person tries to throw Ravage in the brig, just because she WAS a con, she will give you a reason to throw her in the brig.  
-You really think she's gonna do some shit, when she has Jazzy most of the time?  
-Assholes.  
-Red Alert  
-This really applies to you.  
  
56.) Humans, don't talk about having a virus.  
-Somebots, don't get the difference between one of their viruses and one of ours.  
-They will freak out.  
-Especially Red Alert.  
-And I really am tired of his ass.  
-Bots human viruses take place in cells.  
-Do you have human cells?  
-No.  
-Now chill the fuck out.  
  
57.) No unjustly throwing bots in the brig.  
-Just because Ravage WAS a decepticon isn't a good excuse.  
-She has Jazzy most of the time.  
-We're in America.  
-Innocent until proven guilty.  
-Red Alert stop it  
  
58.) Bots do not believe everything you read on the internet.  
-People post some stupid shit  
-Not everything is true.  
-Use reliable sources and good websites  
-Fuck  
-I sound like every fucking teacher who's made their kids write a research paper  
  
59.) If you hear stange sounds coming from a door on base do not investigate  
-I'm not saying thrat it's all bad  
-Better safe than sorry  
-It might not even be nasty, but it's probably still weird as fuck  
-If you do look then...  
\- I dunno just damn  
  
60.) If Jolt gets twitching get the fuck away  
-He has too much electricity stored up  
-He needs a release  
-You might get shocked  
-Possibly to death  
-Just saying  
-He looks like a crackhead  
-Kind of funny


	7. Chapter 7

61.) The Rocky Horror Picture Show has been banned from base.  
-So many things happened  
-Prowl glitched  
-As did Red Alert  
-Ratchet felt the need to give out mental health checks to those of us who enjoyed it  
-The lambo twins along with Jazz decided to do the Time Warp  
-Now that was funny  
  
62.) No Time Warping  
-Sometimes when you jump to the left you nearly squish a human  
-The same goes for the step to the right  
-And the pelvic thrust isn’t driving anyone insane  
-At least not in a good way  
  
63.) So apparently I’m not allowed to sing anymore  
-You don’t sing you scream curse words (Ratchet)  
-They’re real songs  
-With such idiotic lyrics (Ratchet)  
-Whatever. You can’t stop me.  
-Brent (Ratchet)  
-YOU STUPID FUCKING WHORE!  
-DIE MOTHER FUCKRE DIE MOTHER FUCKER DIE!  
-BRENT! *Throws wrench!* (Ratchet)  
-*Pulled out of way by Bee* Thanks bug  
\- _We raise hell bitch_  
We raise hell bitch  
We raise hell bitch  
Motherfucking hell bitch  
We don't give a fuck  
We don't give a fuck  
so all you pussy motherfuckers shut the fuck up (Bee)  
  
64.) No fucking stealing  
-Ya know I thought this was pretty fucking obvious  
-Apparently I must remind people that this applies to everything  
-INCLUDING MY UNDERWEAR  
-I don’t’ know which one of you creepy fuckers goes and steals my damn draws, but when I figure out which one of you it is I’m going to fucking kill you  
-AND QUIT FUCKING HANGING THEM ON SHIT  
-You’re not embarrassing me if that’s what you’re trying to do  
-You’re just pissing Bee off  
  
65.) The Most Popular Girls in School has also been banned  
-Who the fuck are you  
-Who the fuck are you  
-It’s a fucking French word  
-I’m saving my vaginity for someone special  
-Byeeeeee  
  
66.) Walking around quoting Llamas with hats is ill advised  
-Carl  
-Especially the whole “I’m a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence” part  
-Red Alert threw me in the brig and forced me to go through a shit ton of mental evaluations  
-Ratchet was just annoyed as me  
  
67.) No comments about the attractiveness of anyone other than your partner  
-Even a simple comment like “wow he’s got some nice hair” can cause an issue  
-Both human soldiers and bots get irrationally angry  
-And they can kill  
-And they will kill  
-Honestly they need to chill  
-No bee I do not think  
-Will you stop  
-IT WAS A FUCKING EXAMPLE  
-GOD DAMN IT  
-RUN MAN  
-HIDE SOMEWHERE NEAR A HIGHER UP!  
-Son of a glitch  
  
68.) Sherlock has been banned from base  
-Everyone glitches  
-Even me  
  
69.) Slutty costumes have been banned  
-People stare  
-They get distracted  
-The higher ups get pissed  
-Then there’s the jealousy issue  
-Mickey and I still wear them  
-It’s fun  
  
70.) Supernatural is banned  
-There are a hell of a lot of reasons  
-Dean, Sam, and Castiel are attractive  
-The bots glitch  
-The ones who don’t glitch go on ghost hunts  
-I painted a devil’s trap on the floor and got Ratchet in it  
-Not a demon  
-Just a dick


End file.
